sleep than never wake up

Have you ever felt like just drifting off into a sleep and never bothering to wake up from it, did you ever think why am I here, or what is the point of all of this? If you have ever felt like just, disappearing, I now know what you felt. High school is not what you think it is, you struggle through a mental warfare that never seems to end, people come up with the most hurtful things and after awhile, you become used to it, or you start to believe them. You would do anything to fit in because you know and have seen how cruel they can be to those that are different, how cruel and painful these days of their life are, yet, have you ever talked to them? Many people go through high school and have thoughts of suicide, but why is this? Children should not be put through mental or physical torture until they reach the point when they can no longer take it. Bullying, and words do hurt, an insult is like a slap to the face, each one cutting away at the soft flesh of their mind. Why must we leave scars, why must we watch as we see people suffer. Stop walking bye, and who knows, that one girl that smiles everyday, may cry as she walks home. Don't use your eyes and mind to see things, use the window on your heart. If people used compassion more there would be less suicides, there would be less pain, and there would be less death and children thinking of taking a pill, and never waking up form the only place they feel safe, their dreams.

spring break rant

Oh the chaos and the drama that is spring break for a teenage girl. The friends that seem to have dug up a whole years worth of gossip for those late nights you spend infront of the telivision trying to act like you care about how the popular girls are cheating on their boyfriends, or that you care about how this one complete ass of a guy is made a god becase of his abs and tight pants. Well I tried to do this, but ended up failing because I could not hide my lack of careing well enough to the point where my friends became annoyed. It is hard to care about things you really do not, and even harder to sit and listen about it for hours upon hours in a row without making it seem like you are bored out of your mind! My friends are your typical teenage girls, gossip, boys, and looking for ways to make themselves blend in better with society, while I lean ageist the wall and stick out worse than a hippie at a business meeting. My poetic way of looking at things,  my lack of love for people, my darker past and weird and messed up mind,  and lastly my secretly cunning and devious side are things that people do not know about me, they see me as the cute short girl who can do no wrong, who is awfully shy and never talks but is the nicest person you will ever meet, well news flash that is not me! I am the type of girl that yes is a wimp but you better duck because a dictionary is my best friend, but not your faces. I have a strong kick and yes a fairly short temper,a fragile heart and an even weaker mind, yet, some of what they think is true, I can not help but help people when ever I can, or smiles in-front of everyone hiding my sadness so others can be happy, and forgive people for some of the worst things they could do to a person. I used to hold grudges, hate people with a passion, but now I know, it is not a hate, it is fear. The fear that when I walk out I will be tripped, fear that I must  know what is going on with the popular girls and try to not be noticed by anyone, that when I do become noticed or forget who is dating who, that I will be hurt. You see I am afraid of socializing, or people. A very odd anxiety, but one none the less, and I apologize for ranting on and on today but, gosh darn it, I am just starting to get tired with it all, and I wish the world would just slowly fade away, taking me with it, but, there would be some people I miss, and I'll admit, not everyone is all bad. So i guess I can take this thing one person at a time, and slowly make my way back into the crowd that is the human race.