spring break rant

Oh the chaos and the drama that is spring break for a teenage girl. The friends that seem to have dug up a whole years worth of gossip for those late nights you spend infront of the telivision trying to act like you care about how the popular girls are cheating on their boyfriends, or that you care about how this one complete ass of a guy is made a god becase of his abs and tight pants. Well I tried to do this, but ended up failing because I could not hide my lack of careing well enough to the point where my friends became annoyed. It is hard to care about things you really do not, and even harder to sit and listen about it for hours upon hours in a row without making it seem like you are bored out of your mind! My friends are your typical teenage girls, gossip, boys, and looking for ways to make themselves blend in better with society, while I lean ageist the wall and stick out worse than a hippie at a business meeting. My poetic way of looking at things,  my lack of love for people, my darker past and weird and messed up mind,  and lastly my secretly cunning and devious side are things that people do not know about me, they see me as the cute short girl who can do no wrong, who is awfully shy and never talks but is the nicest person you will ever meet, well news flash that is not me! I am the type of girl that yes is a wimp but you better duck because a dictionary is my best friend, but not your faces. I have a strong kick and yes a fairly short temper,a fragile heart and an even weaker mind, yet, some of what they think is true, I can not help but help people when ever I can, or smiles in-front of everyone hiding my sadness so others can be happy, and forgive people for some of the worst things they could do to a person. I used to hold grudges, hate people with a passion, but now I know, it is not a hate, it is fear. The fear that when I walk out I will be tripped, fear that I must  know what is going on with the popular girls and try to not be noticed by anyone, that when I do become noticed or forget who is dating who, that I will be hurt. You see I am afraid of socializing, or people. A very odd anxiety, but one none the less, and I apologize for ranting on and on today but, gosh darn it, I am just starting to get tired with it all, and I wish the world would just slowly fade away, taking me with it, but, there would be some people I miss, and I'll admit, not everyone is all bad. So i guess I can take this thing one person at a time, and slowly make my way back into the crowd that is the human race.