sleep than never wake up

Have you ever felt like just drifting off into a sleep and never bothering to wake up from it, did you ever think why am I here, or what is the point of all of this? If you have ever felt like just, disappearing, I now know what you felt. High school is not what you think it is, you struggle through a mental warfare that never seems to end, people come up with the most hurtful things and after awhile, you become used to it, or you start to believe them. You would do anything to fit in because you know and have seen how cruel they can be to those that are different, how cruel and painful these days of their life are, yet, have you ever talked to them? Many people go through high school and have thoughts of suicide, but why is this? Children should not be put through mental or physical torture until they reach the point when they can no longer take it. Bullying, and words do hurt, an insult is like a slap to the face, each one cutting away at the soft flesh of their mind. Why must we leave scars, why must we watch as we see people suffer. Stop walking bye, and who knows, that one girl that smiles everyday, may cry as she walks home. Don't use your eyes and mind to see things, use the window on your heart. If people used compassion more there would be less suicides, there would be less pain, and there would be less death and children thinking of taking a pill, and never waking up form the only place they feel safe, their dreams.

spring break rant

Oh the chaos and the drama that is spring break for a teenage girl. The friends that seem to have dug up a whole years worth of gossip for those late nights you spend infront of the telivision trying to act like you care about how the popular girls are cheating on their boyfriends, or that you care about how this one complete ass of a guy is made a god becase of his abs and tight pants. Well I tried to do this, but ended up failing because I could not hide my lack of careing well enough to the point where my friends became annoyed. It is hard to care about things you really do not, and even harder to sit and listen about it for hours upon hours in a row without making it seem like you are bored out of your mind! My friends are your typical teenage girls, gossip, boys, and looking for ways to make themselves blend in better with society, while I lean ageist the wall and stick out worse than a hippie at a business meeting. My poetic way of looking at things,  my lack of love for people, my darker past and weird and messed up mind,  and lastly my secretly cunning and devious side are things that people do not know about me, they see me as the cute short girl who can do no wrong, who is awfully shy and never talks but is the nicest person you will ever meet, well news flash that is not me! I am the type of girl that yes is a wimp but you better duck because a dictionary is my best friend, but not your faces. I have a strong kick and yes a fairly short temper,a fragile heart and an even weaker mind, yet, some of what they think is true, I can not help but help people when ever I can, or smiles in-front of everyone hiding my sadness so others can be happy, and forgive people for some of the worst things they could do to a person. I used to hold grudges, hate people with a passion, but now I know, it is not a hate, it is fear. The fear that when I walk out I will be tripped, fear that I must  know what is going on with the popular girls and try to not be noticed by anyone, that when I do become noticed or forget who is dating who, that I will be hurt. You see I am afraid of socializing, or people. A very odd anxiety, but one none the less, and I apologize for ranting on and on today but, gosh darn it, I am just starting to get tired with it all, and I wish the world would just slowly fade away, taking me with it, but, there would be some people I miss, and I'll admit, not everyone is all bad. So i guess I can take this thing one person at a time, and slowly make my way back into the crowd that is the human race.

Watching my friend die and cant do a thing

My friend Shi has a boyfriend, who i can tell she loves just a ton, but earlier he made the bad choice of bringing a knife to school and playing with it, someone told the teachers and he was expelled for the rest of the school year. Now my friend is depressed, will not say anything, and wont eat anymore. She misses him i can tell, but i just dont get why she is so sad, sure she cant see him during school this year, but its almost over and she can see him out of school. I just dont know what i can do to help her and i just wish i could do something instead of just begging her with tears in my eyes to stop hurting herself. She will not tell anyone what is going on, and she seems to ignore everybody but sometimes i see her look at me and smile, i love her smile, and i love her laugh even more, and i miss it something fierce, what do you do when your friend has given up on the world and things are not as bad as they seem, but you cant tell her because than she might call you  unsupportive. Oh the struggles of love, and pain, and the weak teenage heart, oh how i wish love, could just be something much more simpler, and without all the pain, but i guess thats what makes it worth staying with it in the end.
     But i must also admit that i find her reaction to this somewhat annoying, you see my feancée goes to collage out of state, and i only see him about three times a year, i miss him terably, and it upsets me a little to see how Shi is so broken and giving up when there are barely any opsticles in her way, she seems to be making no effort to make anything better, and yes it is rather irritating, i feel awful feeling this way, but i cant hold it in , i wish i could do something to help the poor girl, but her senior buddy, can not do a thing until she tries herself.

deep sighs than falls on keyboard

I can not stand writers block, it is the thing i hate the most in this world, and yet almost all of this week I have been unable to tap into my usual storage of a great surplus of creative ideas, it is almost as i was sticking the key into the lock and broke it, and now i am waiting fro someone to come and help me fix the darn thing. I usually find inspiration from things that happen to me or my friends, or when I hear a great story or poem and it gets the gears of my mind working, yet as of late, no such luck has come to me, i find myself struggling to find even the tiniest bit of inspiration from anything lately, i almost seem bored of the normal things i see in my daily life, i kind of want excitement, something to get those gears working and start my hand back into its flow of the words i want to write, you see i believe everyone has a story scratched onto there souls, but it is the hardest one to tell, i still cant figure out what mine is, but i hope to someday be able to find it6 and share it with the world.


Off subject here dose anyone have tips on how they get ride of writers block?

The Kite Runner

The great novel "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini is being read in my Contemporary Literature class, and it kind o0f hits me at home, or the heart because a great friend of mine is Muslim, and is actually from Afghanistan, and it makes me think of what she could have gone through, and it makes me think of all the other sides of the story that we never find out. I want to learn peoples stories, just like i want them to know mine, the more i learn about people the easier I find it is to help than in anyway I can. This book dose more than teach me about another country, it teaches me about what else i wish i could help people with, sometimes i feel like i want to save the world, but ill start with my town, than one day the world.

confuson

A feeling that spins in my mind liek a mist, a feeling, or emotion that has no real reason, a feeling that casues you to become jumpy and short temepered, almost in a rush to figure things out. this feeling is filling my mind, a feeling I prefer to not have. You see i have a lot to think of right now. An old but still great friend is coming home for spring break, and he will be back this weekend, but ill be busy when i really want to just spend time with my firned, but i cant leave my family behind, i pretty much have to s\choose between the family i see every day and the friend im lucky to see once every three months other than the ocassonianl email, and well i guess i can ask him to caome over for short periods of time and more than once but he dose have other fiends, and probably wants to see his family, hmm what to do, i guess ill do what sombody told me before, fallow my heart and everything will be okay.

Herbert part 2

I woke up on the floor as i saw his cute little stump of a tail wiggle like a motor boat happy to see me as i sat up rubbing my head. "Herby next time you want me up just bark or lick don't push." He lowered his head like he was sorry than i patted it as my dad walked in than left seeing that i was already awake. You see me and Herby have the same problem it takes forever for us to fall asleep but once we are there is a reason we sleep in the basement a tornado could pick us up and we would still be asleep. Hes been unusually clingy to me as well, and my dad told me that pets often cling to there favorite person when they know they are going to die, i felt sad but i cant cry yet because after all, he is still here.