Collage

A lot has happened to me while I was gone. Well first you all know I graduated highschool, well now I am in my second week of collage. Suprisingly it is ten times easyer to mange and handle along with a social life than high school ever was, but learning about all these new things is starting to make me think, I do love writing, but is there somthing I am intrested in as well. Now dont take me as a pervert, but I find sexual education and relashionships fasinating, and who knows I may even go into those feilds. Love is somthing that at one time or another came into somones life. So why not study it, if that is even posible that is the feild I want to go into, the feild of love. There is a plus side to this as well for my writing, each new thing I do is somthing new for me to write about. So heck, I might be a Sexoligist, or relashionship conseler, but all that matters, is that I do what I love, no matter how odd it may seem. I think everyone should do the same. It dose not matter what people might think of you, just let your colors fly, and be who you are. This may seem corney, or cheesy to some of you, but just stop and think, if you have a job you dont like, do you really want to do that for the rest of your life? If not, why not find one that you enjoy, or if somone made you quit a hobby that you were passonite about, why quite if it did not damge you or anyone else? There is no reason to, be who you are, not who you want to be, or who somone wants you to be, love yourself for every flaw that makes you diffrent and imperfect, and hate the little habbits you have that make you just like everyone else. Diffrent is not a bad thing, its a good thing, and that is what I leanred in collage. To be who you are, and love it.

Tears and teachers

     Teachers can help children and teens brow, but, they can also cause them to shrivel. One bad teacher can rune the work of twenty amazing teachers, one bully can make a student hate the whole school, and one word can make you cry. A teacher helped me find who i was, and what i want to do with my life, become a writer, and create world peace, but one i do not think the world is quite ready for yet. While one teacher helped me bloom, another cut me down. There is a teacher in my school that is known more making kids cry, for being the dictator of this school, and his normal talking, is yelling, so imagine how a very sensitive easy to shy teen girl having a bad day and not to mention suffers from social anxiety feels when that teacher tells her, she is doomed for failure. When this teacher told the girl this, she cried more than she had ever cried before in her life, one teacher could have runed her whole future, could have made her give up with those simple words, but, she did not let him win, and now, she is graduating, and now, she is writing what you are reading today, and if your reading this, than i know, that i am not a failure, became if your reading this, than my words do matter.

How to recover from a break up

Of course everyone knows there is something that everyone goes through at least once in their life, a break up, or broken heart. I was devastated by mine, thought i would never recover, thought id never smile, yet here i am two days later and i cants stop smiling, why? because i wanted to get over it and i did these steps.
         1. Vent about the break up to a good friend, get there option on the break up so they can help tell you that it was the right thing to do if you broke it, or tell you that he/ she is a jerk. Dont be alone right after it, go and spend time with a good friend, find a shoulder to cry on.
         2. Dont talk to the person you broke up with for awhile, and try to not think of them and if you do, just remind yourself why you broke up. Wait awhile to talk to them, take a break for the person you broke up with, just talking like normal right away, will not work out.
        3. Think before you act is very important. If you are considering getting back together just think of this, is you have broken up, and gotten back together numerus times, then there is a problem there that will not go away, so it would be a waste of time to get them back.
        4. Do not give up on love. If you give up because of one heart break, than the one who broke your heart won. Do not give up on love, find someone you deserve, someone who fits you better, but, do not jump into a relationship right after the break up, because nobody wants to be the rebound, they never end well.

i hope these tips help you .

class of 2011

I wanted to write a cute poem or a tear jerking speech, but, i cant. I have no idea why i can't, i just, can't. I always thought id be badly injured, wake up from this dream/ nightmare, or die before now to be honest, so to have this happening to me, to be graduating, it just, it can't be real, but it is. We worked hard to get here, we dragged our butts out of bed at 5 in the morning to play and sing for the elderly. We slept on a bus together, and almost went to state. We survived the countless times the world was supposed to end. Congrats to my class mates, even though i may not what to admit it, ill miss you all.

Graduation

Graduation, a time of stress and chaos, the fight ageist seineritis, the drama, and rushing around, i think my hair is falling off in handfuls, and yet, i could not be more happy. There is this feeling of, a right of passage, a moment when you know that once this is over your life is going to change, a moment when you look back and realize how fast all these days have been, and you forget all of the drama, and juts stop. You take those steps as tears run down ur face, and you know that you did it, you made it. You graduated. Congrats my fellow class members of 2011. May your lives be perfect for you from now on, and may we see past what things we have done to hurt each other, and come back together this one last time before we leave.

heart troubles?

Great, as if the stress of graduating next week was not enough during lunch i fall to the floor, I fainted. Turns out i have a bad habit of not drinking water, and this time it fainally cought up with me and i fainted from dehidration. While i was at the doctors they checked my heart, turns out there is somthing odd with it. A part of my heart moves faster the the rast once inawahile, the doctor said its not serius, than said we should see a proffessional, witch always makes me worry, if im okay, why send me to get it checked out more?

fire

this week was hard for me, a small fire started in my room, and the only copy of my novel that i worked a year on is gone, all that work vanished, i remember some of it but, not all, i feel like the characters i made actually died, and it makes a tear fall down my cheek.

sleep than never wake up

Have you ever felt like just drifting off into a sleep and never bothering to wake up from it, did you ever think why am I here, or what is the point of all of this? If you have ever felt like just, disappearing, I now know what you felt. High school is not what you think it is, you struggle through a mental warfare that never seems to end, people come up with the most hurtful things and after awhile, you become used to it, or you start to believe them. You would do anything to fit in because you know and have seen how cruel they can be to those that are different, how cruel and painful these days of their life are, yet, have you ever talked to them? Many people go through high school and have thoughts of suicide, but why is this? Children should not be put through mental or physical torture until they reach the point when they can no longer take it. Bullying, and words do hurt, an insult is like a slap to the face, each one cutting away at the soft flesh of their mind. Why must we leave scars, why must we watch as we see people suffer. Stop walking bye, and who knows, that one girl that smiles everyday, may cry as she walks home. Don't use your eyes and mind to see things, use the window on your heart. If people used compassion more there would be less suicides, there would be less pain, and there would be less death and children thinking of taking a pill, and never waking up form the only place they feel safe, their dreams.

spring break rant

Oh the chaos and the drama that is spring break for a teenage girl. The friends that seem to have dug up a whole years worth of gossip for those late nights you spend infront of the telivision trying to act like you care about how the popular girls are cheating on their boyfriends, or that you care about how this one complete ass of a guy is made a god becase of his abs and tight pants. Well I tried to do this, but ended up failing because I could not hide my lack of careing well enough to the point where my friends became annoyed. It is hard to care about things you really do not, and even harder to sit and listen about it for hours upon hours in a row without making it seem like you are bored out of your mind! My friends are your typical teenage girls, gossip, boys, and looking for ways to make themselves blend in better with society, while I lean ageist the wall and stick out worse than a hippie at a business meeting. My poetic way of looking at things,  my lack of love for people, my darker past and weird and messed up mind,  and lastly my secretly cunning and devious side are things that people do not know about me, they see me as the cute short girl who can do no wrong, who is awfully shy and never talks but is the nicest person you will ever meet, well news flash that is not me! I am the type of girl that yes is a wimp but you better duck because a dictionary is my best friend, but not your faces. I have a strong kick and yes a fairly short temper,a fragile heart and an even weaker mind, yet, some of what they think is true, I can not help but help people when ever I can, or smiles in-front of everyone hiding my sadness so others can be happy, and forgive people for some of the worst things they could do to a person. I used to hold grudges, hate people with a passion, but now I know, it is not a hate, it is fear. The fear that when I walk out I will be tripped, fear that I must  know what is going on with the popular girls and try to not be noticed by anyone, that when I do become noticed or forget who is dating who, that I will be hurt. You see I am afraid of socializing, or people. A very odd anxiety, but one none the less, and I apologize for ranting on and on today but, gosh darn it, I am just starting to get tired with it all, and I wish the world would just slowly fade away, taking me with it, but, there would be some people I miss, and I'll admit, not everyone is all bad. So i guess I can take this thing one person at a time, and slowly make my way back into the crowd that is the human race.

Watching my friend die and cant do a thing

My friend Shi has a boyfriend, who i can tell she loves just a ton, but earlier he made the bad choice of bringing a knife to school and playing with it, someone told the teachers and he was expelled for the rest of the school year. Now my friend is depressed, will not say anything, and wont eat anymore. She misses him i can tell, but i just dont get why she is so sad, sure she cant see him during school this year, but its almost over and she can see him out of school. I just dont know what i can do to help her and i just wish i could do something instead of just begging her with tears in my eyes to stop hurting herself. She will not tell anyone what is going on, and she seems to ignore everybody but sometimes i see her look at me and smile, i love her smile, and i love her laugh even more, and i miss it something fierce, what do you do when your friend has given up on the world and things are not as bad as they seem, but you cant tell her because than she might call you  unsupportive. Oh the struggles of love, and pain, and the weak teenage heart, oh how i wish love, could just be something much more simpler, and without all the pain, but i guess thats what makes it worth staying with it in the end.
     But i must also admit that i find her reaction to this somewhat annoying, you see my feancée goes to collage out of state, and i only see him about three times a year, i miss him terably, and it upsets me a little to see how Shi is so broken and giving up when there are barely any opsticles in her way, she seems to be making no effort to make anything better, and yes it is rather irritating, i feel awful feeling this way, but i cant hold it in , i wish i could do something to help the poor girl, but her senior buddy, can not do a thing until she tries herself.

deep sighs than falls on keyboard

I can not stand writers block, it is the thing i hate the most in this world, and yet almost all of this week I have been unable to tap into my usual storage of a great surplus of creative ideas, it is almost as i was sticking the key into the lock and broke it, and now i am waiting fro someone to come and help me fix the darn thing. I usually find inspiration from things that happen to me or my friends, or when I hear a great story or poem and it gets the gears of my mind working, yet as of late, no such luck has come to me, i find myself struggling to find even the tiniest bit of inspiration from anything lately, i almost seem bored of the normal things i see in my daily life, i kind of want excitement, something to get those gears working and start my hand back into its flow of the words i want to write, you see i believe everyone has a story scratched onto there souls, but it is the hardest one to tell, i still cant figure out what mine is, but i hope to someday be able to find it6 and share it with the world.


Off subject here dose anyone have tips on how they get ride of writers block?

The Kite Runner

The great novel "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini is being read in my Contemporary Literature class, and it kind o0f hits me at home, or the heart because a great friend of mine is Muslim, and is actually from Afghanistan, and it makes me think of what she could have gone through, and it makes me think of all the other sides of the story that we never find out. I want to learn peoples stories, just like i want them to know mine, the more i learn about people the easier I find it is to help than in anyway I can. This book dose more than teach me about another country, it teaches me about what else i wish i could help people with, sometimes i feel like i want to save the world, but ill start with my town, than one day the world.

confuson

A feeling that spins in my mind liek a mist, a feeling, or emotion that has no real reason, a feeling that casues you to become jumpy and short temepered, almost in a rush to figure things out. this feeling is filling my mind, a feeling I prefer to not have. You see i have a lot to think of right now. An old but still great friend is coming home for spring break, and he will be back this weekend, but ill be busy when i really want to just spend time with my firned, but i cant leave my family behind, i pretty much have to s\choose between the family i see every day and the friend im lucky to see once every three months other than the ocassonianl email, and well i guess i can ask him to caome over for short periods of time and more than once but he dose have other fiends, and probably wants to see his family, hmm what to do, i guess ill do what sombody told me before, fallow my heart and everything will be okay.

Herbert part 2

I woke up on the floor as i saw his cute little stump of a tail wiggle like a motor boat happy to see me as i sat up rubbing my head. "Herby next time you want me up just bark or lick don't push." He lowered his head like he was sorry than i patted it as my dad walked in than left seeing that i was already awake. You see me and Herby have the same problem it takes forever for us to fall asleep but once we are there is a reason we sleep in the basement a tornado could pick us up and we would still be asleep. Hes been unusually clingy to me as well, and my dad told me that pets often cling to there favorite person when they know they are going to die, i felt sad but i cant cry yet because after all, he is still here.

ttyl

Im sorry but i may not post anything this week because i have hit the jackpot on ideas for my novel and apologize and hope to be posting something soon.
Thanks Robin

Your one person, do you have one?

Something seems to be happening in my school , I know I do not like it, but what it is I can not exactly say. The air of this place that I spend my days in has changed someway, somehow. When I walk down the halls pictures flash through my mind of things that I thought once existed but now never do. I used to day dream and run into the backs of people who should turn and smile, but now I receive a glare. Though you could say, how do you feel alone when you have great friends and are never actually alone. You see my Fiancée lives far from me and I find myself wondering why the halls seem so empty and i now i know, it is because he is not in them. No matter how many people that are around you that you love, i feel there is always that one person that you will feel lonely without even if they are just in the other room. An empty feeling only true love for friendship, can fill.
    

Herbert part 1.

I held his hand in mine as we ignored the numbness now covering our fingers. His hand was furry and tiny and his nails need to be clipped, i looked into his large brown eyes and smiled when he warmed my face with a lick. If you can't tell bye now, I am talking about my dog. His name is Herbert, or Herby for short. He is an old dog but he is my best friend, when i have a bad day he always seems to know, so I use him as the base personality of my main characters boyfriend, someone kind loyal, and anyways willing to give you comfort when you need it, and can tell when your smiles are fake. I say at times i wish a guy like that existed, but than my fiancée pouts. My dog is my best friend, and it is heart breaking to think that because he is 13 he will not live much longer but i know, that his pure doggy soul will go straight to heaven for sure when he can be with his brother.

Carma

My step father recently told me he used to be a bully when he was in high school, and he wondered if that was why his son, or my brother is picked on now, but i gave him my answer. "Dad, its not becase of you that Chazz and I are being bullied, its becase we are differnt, we are not what kids consider normal and they think that if they bully us enough we will be, but i wont let them, i will be myself because I know that the people that love me love me even more because i am unique." My step dad was not happy with my sudden engagement to my boyfriend, being an over protective dad that he is he was worried that we were moving to fast, but i told him not to worry, that even though i have been through so much, i have been nothing but kind to people, and my Carma is overdue to start paying me back that kindness, and he nodded and accepted the engagement and gave us his blessing, witch was not easy for him because he is not white and my dad is very slightly racist, and i know how hard it was for him to say yes, but i told him later, dad, thats one step closer to fixing your bad Carma.

A dark snowy night.

It was a dark night the light from outside my small house's door make the falling snow sparkle as i pressed my hand to the glass feeling the cool air that was just behind it. This dark snowy day was more than just dark in light, but also mind. I* was starting to wonder what could a simple girl like me, who is not in the least bit physically appealing make it in the world that lays right outside that window. Wondered what i could do that would make people realize how much they can help, and how much they can hurt. Earlier that day a rumor was spread about me, a stupid obvious lie, and i knew this, i even thought how all these children i shall say reacted to it and teased me, but after being teased and harassed for so long, you start to believe what they say, and you start to hate yourself as well. Without putting on my coat i walked into the cold air but at that moment my phone began to ring, it was a text message from my fiancée, its said, "Some part of me is saying your hurt, just always know i love you."

Worst holiday of my life

I am talking about Valentines day. First i have a long distance relationship so i feel lonely when the other girls get flowers and cookies and my friend makes out with her boy toy right in front of me not caring that everyone can see them. Than i work hard and spend about 20$ on a guy who i have a crush on, and told him, he told  he just broke up with his girlfirend not long ago and said he wanted time, than he gave me a bunch of hugs each he started, and one was about 10 mins long and swaying. So i send him this and all of a sudden i see somone post on his facebook I LOVE YOU BABY but i say this everyday happy v-day. What is that,  it makes me want to cry, i hate this holiday!

clever bot convo

I used a new website cleverbot.com and this is what happened .

User: Hello ^u^.

Cleverbot: Hello!

User: How are you?

Cleverbot: Fine. And you?

User: Great, happy valentines day!

Cleverbot: Happy valentines day! To you too.

User: Thank you!

Cleverbot: You're welcome!

User: {pass}.

Cleverbot: Do you know what the death rate around here is?

User: I do not.

Cleverbot: Well it looks like I've outsmarted you.

User: Lol yeah right.

Cleverbot: Hello again.

User: Hello *smiles*.

Cleverbot: How are you?

User: I told you im great!

Cleverbot: You didn't.

User: Yes I did! *yells*.

Cleverbot: I didn't ask how old you are! I asked what your name is.

User: No you did not! But you must know it is robin!

Cleverbot: I'm not an artificial intelligence program, I'm a human.

User: I never said that stupidbot!

Cleverbot: I am not stupid!

User: Yes you are!

Cleverbot: No i'm not!

User: Yes you are!

Cleverbot: Am not.

User: Are to are to are to are to ARE TO!

Cleverbot: You are the stupidest bot I've ever talked to.

User: Im not a bot you hob knocker!

Cleverbot: I know you are, but what am I?

User: A hob knocker.

Cleverbot: Where are they based?

User: England.

Cleverbot: It's not summer in england!

User: I never said that!

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: Subject change!

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: I am 17 you creeper.

Cleverbot: 25.

User: Your 25?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay than no hugs for you.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Becase your to old, unless your a girl to.

Cleverbot: I don't want to what?

User: Are you a female?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I am a girl to.

Cleverbot: You said you are a boy.

User: No I never said that, but whatever.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: *sigh*.

Cleverbot: What are you sighing about?

User: I am very anoyed.

Cleverbot: Sorry?

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: Lol *smiles*.

Cleverbot: LOL.

User: *hugs!*.

Cleverbot: *smiles*.

User: So what music do you like?

Cleverbot: I like just about everything. I don't like folk music or rap though.

User: I do not like folk, or country.

Cleverbot: What music do you like?

User: I like techno, electro, pop, depends on my mood.

Cleverbot: Me too. I can play loads of instruments.

User: Ummm, okay than ^u^'.

Cleverbot: What do you think about Tennessee?

User: Never thought about it, you?

Cleverbot: The philippines.

User: Never thought about it, I live in Wisconsin.

Cleverbot: Chinese English means use Chinese gramma and English words.

User: Cool, what you know about San Antonio Texas?

Cleverbot: I don't know all that much about thermocouples.

User: Lol did not say that but okay, what do you know?

Cleverbot: Do you think Emo kids are weird?

User: No, why?

Cleverbot: You said I'm beautiful and that is why you love me.

User: I never said I love you! I have a boyfriend!

Cleverbot: How can you forget about me so fast.

User: *sigh* you anger me, I have a love.

Cleverbot: I really do not like you.

User: The feeling is a two way street.

Cleverbot: Is there anyone that you don't like?

User: Tons of people actually.

Cleverbot: Is it alright if you tell me who they are?

User: Yeah I can tell you, I hate people that: always fallow what fashoin magazines tell them to do, or fashion sheep, I hate judgmentive people, I hate rasisum, sexisum, egotistic people, closed minded people, bullys, brats, jerks, abusers, palyboys, gansters, creeprs, bossy people, barbies, sluts, pimps, snooty.

Cleverbot: No thank you. I do not wish to be hated by the entire world.

User: Lol XD I hate alot dont I?

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: Its okay I can take it.

Cleverbot: Take?

User: The truth.

Cleverbot: What is the truth?

User: That you are a robot.

Cleverbot: I'm not a robot. You are.

User: Yes I am a robot.

Cleverbot: Are you a robot?

User: No I am human.

Cleverbot: Of course you are. So are the robots in the foundation.

User: I do not know but I am human for I make errors.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Robin, not like robin hood.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: I told you I am 17.

Cleverbot: I'm older than you...

User: I know you are 25.

Cleverbot: Who am I?

User: You are the weird girl in my school that everyone loves.

Cleverbot: No I'm human.

User: A girl is a human!

Cleverbot: I am a boy.

User: Your a boy? Sorry lol.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You confuse me!

Cleverbot: You confuse me too!!!!!

User: I have to go.

Cleverbot: No don't go.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because I like talking to you.

User: You said you hate me.

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

User: Okay than but I have to go.

Cleverbot: Where are you going?

User: To school nosy.

Cleverbot: But it's saturday.

User: No you moron its monday!

Cleverbot: Not in England.

User: Ahhhhh! Good bye!

Cleverbot: Where are you going?

User: TO SCHOOL!

Cleverbot: Oh ok see you tomorrow.

My normal week of school mon-tues

(took place last year, aka two weeks ago)

Monday: Wake up at 6:30 am and get ready for school, i shower at night. 7:20 am i go with my dad to drop off chazz at daycare and than i go to school. the time before first study hall starts at 7:35am is spent talking to friends and telling everyone i was accepted to a collage or checking emails. 8am i have band class and we have a study hall in that as well. around 9ish the second study hall starts and it runs for about an hour, spend that time working on my novel. 10 am i have art class where i doodle cool anime people than watercolor . 11:30 is lunch when i eat and talk to my friends on the floor by the gym doors. 12pm i go to chemistry class and hate it. than at 1pm i go to my speech class and we watch a movie on bullying we made. School ends at 2:30 pm but i go to the band room for an hour long one on one lesson with the teacher playing scales for him. Than i catch a ride with my dad and go home at 3:30. I spend about an hour and a half on homework than i do my chores witch is another hour. I play wii with my family for 3o min, than i have supper , shower and than i finally have free time before i go to bed at 9:30pm.

Tuesday:wake up at 6am and try to brush through the afro my hair has become. 7:26am drop off brother at daycare after changing cloths because i fell into a mud puddle . 7:35 run into my study hall just short of being late to realize that i had my pajama pants on. 10 am i try to paint as i pry my ears away from the girls at my tables gossip. 12pm i sit though chemistry class dying of boredom and stress. 2:30 i rush put the door to meet my dad at his car and wait for him in the cold for 15 minutes. I do chores and homework in an hour than have free time until super when i have to shower and study for chemistry test on Wednesday.